Its NOT the memoirs of a geisha!!

Today i had my worst nightmare ever...wait, it was far too painful, it was reality. i wasnt dreaming, it wasn't a nightmare, it actually happened. The reality struck me so much that it has crushed my virtues. if my parents only knew about this reality, they would be over protective. realities like such doesn't let one remain a girl, the innocence is shaken and torn into pieces.
To tell you about my reality, a monster came to me. he was a monster in human form and all he did was touched my body, but somehow it wasn't just my body, it was my soul which was destroyed in this process.
After the monster had scared me in every way he could, i was left alone but i couldn't understand what had happened with me just moments ago because the monster had asked me to make a promise and to keep a secret which i did.
As i grew i understood what the monster did was cruel, and inhuman. i wept alone, to scared to tell any one. i hated being the victim and hated every part of my body which i did not consider as mine anymore. i cried for my loved ones to save me from every touch and from every moment that i spent with the monster.
if i told anyone, they wouldn't even believe me because the monster became a stranger in front of others and acted like a saint who could never even sin. in front of others, he loved me and cared like i was his little child. the monster was just known by me, the cruel molester and the killer of a child's innocent soul..
because of him i lost my faith in myself and every person around me. some incidents can change life's perspective, well it did change mine.
it is said, whatever happens, happens for a reason. i see none from any side. i tried my best to see all sides but none could show me the good reason for such happening.
this incident made me at least understand people inside out, about their nature and how filthy some can be. my intuitions have made me strong and i can find the right and wrong for myself easily.
my parents screamed at me and shouted for i am ill mannered as i was growing up. thy scolded me that i didn't talk to the monster a.k.a. saint in front of them, with proper manners while he came to met us. but what should i reply for my ill mannered behavior that the reason is because he molests me? i don't want my parents to go through the mental torture. telling them i have encountered the worst incident of my life would break them.
so much so, i have become numb of their scoldings. i suffered so much pain that i don't even mind hurting someone Else's feeling. i am not being a sadist but i can't cry, not much tears are left. later on, after i loose someone dear to me, i curse and shed out a few tears for their farewell but at the end, they are just wiped out and i just think that tears always come and make myself stronger in the wrong sense.
i fought with him, blackmailed him of telling everyone which actually scared him, opposite of what i had thought. sharing my secret with my loved ones did hurt them but it made me stand against the wrong.
respecting a monster who murdered my soul was next to impossible but with time i learned to forgive him if he stayed away. i did forgive him for my self satisfaction that i don't need a grudge to carry on with my life by hating him for his deeds. i was sick of the crying, moaning and feeling pain.
Forgiving has made my will power stronger and has made me stronger.

Different but same!

Girls see more blood than a guy can in his whole life, but girls turn out to be less violent than guys !!

Reasoning is not part of most of the guys life.....i asked few of my male friends why they fight without reason, they answered, "That's the nature, we just need a small reason and we can fight"
my question is "why?", why beat up someone for the heck of it, is it to take out your anger on the person or some personal grudge? what? but somehow no one can answer because fighting without reason has been coming from a very long time in the generation of boys. even if a guy is a pacifist, other boys will fight with him and turn him into the bully no one could have imagined. But to think of it, no one gets anything out of fighting except boys think its a way to show their glory and strength...almost like d gladiators!! lol...
i have seen many families who actually spoil their kids because their kid is a boy...do u think that is right?
later on, those guys can't really respect any women or child and all he can do is act as a despot!!

This story is dedicated to the sucker fish which died in my tank on 20th november!! :D

The sucker fish lived in the sea kingdom known as squatic....it was ruled by sharks and the king of sharks was known as squatic IV, the mighty...the small creature who lived in squatic were very happy with their king and their life in squatic but the king knew better, its subject were in danger. the villain of this story is named zackroi...the virus!! the virus has found many origins for itself and is found in the form of algae, fungus, etc. The virus is not seen by the subjects or in case any normal fishes eyes....the only fish that can see them is the SUCKER FISH!!
The Sucker fish was a well build fish with muscluar structure to fight off the viruses. sucker fish had c-rays eyes which helps them in looking clearly and see where the virus is and then the sucker fish eats it up before it can contaminate and kill any fish in the kingdom!!
The fish subjects were very happy and had everything they could dream off....they didnt know that their perfect life was going to get disrupted.
One day the viruses leader zackroi had their "evil plan making" meeting with all the viruses and decided to join hands and finish squatic's rule once and for all but they knew to do so they had to finish the sucker fish. So they planned and came up with idea of kidnapping its son and blackmailing him to leave squatic kingdom forever!!
continued later on........(wait and watch if they are able to kidnap his son or not)!! ;)

IT'S SOME REALITY..!! :)

I HAVE FOUR WALLS IN MY BRAIN...WHICH CLOSE ME AND MY LIFE INSIDE FROM THE REALITY FROM WHICH I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH. THESE WALLS HAVE TAKEN ME AS THEIR PRISONER BUT THE BEST PART IS I DON'T MIND BEING THE PRISONER BECAUSE THESE WALLS MAKE ME DIFFERENT. I AM NOT THE USUAL PERSON ROAMING OUTSIDE FEELING THEY ARE FREE BUT INSTEAD THEY ARE JUST ROBOTS COMMANDED TO COME TO THIS WORLD AND WORK HERE AND DIE. I AM NOT IMMORTAL, I AM HUMAN FROM EVERY FORM BUT I LIVE MY DAYS FREE WITHOUT MY DAILY MEDICATION OF STRESS AND TENSIONS. MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEY ARE PRISONERS BECAUSE THEY ARE BRAINWASHED TO BELIEVE THEY WERE BORN TO DO SO. WHEREAS I LIVE WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCE AND I CAN LIVE FREELY WITHOUT THE DAILY ROUTINES, CULTURES OR SOCIETY RULES.
PEOPLE ARE IMPRISONED AT HOME, WORKSPACE, MARRIAGE, CHILDREN, ETC. THEY STOP THE PERSON TO SEE BEYOND THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES. PEOPLE SHOULD STAY A CHILD THROUGH IT'S THOUGHTS. THE MORE THEY MATURE, THE MORE STRESS, DEPRESSION PROBLEMS OCCUR BECAUSE WE CRY AND THINK IT'S JUST HAPPENING TO US BUT IF U LAUGH AND TAKE IT YOU WONT EVEN REMEMBER WEN IT PASSED BY.
STRESS IS NOT WHAT I OPT FOR, IT MAKES YOU AN ADULT EVERYDAY MORE AND MORE.WE SHOULD DO WHAT WE WANT TO DO THAN WHAT OTHERS TELL US TO DO. QUESTIONING MAKES YOU UNDERSTAND AND CHOOSE WHAT IS RIGHT.YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT AND JUMP IN TO TAKE UP A CHALLENGE. IT MAKES YOUR LIFE MORE WORTH LIVING.LIVING A LIFE WITH NO PROOF OF YOUR LIVING. THE ONLY WAY WOULD BE TO PROBABLY PINCH YOURSELF AND KNOW YOU ARE REAL.

Discrimination!! every practice....

ALMOST EVERY INDIAN FAMILY NOWADAYS, BRINGS UP THEIR GIRLS TO BECOME A BREAD EARNER BUT IN THE PROCESS THEY BRING EVERY WOMAN AND GIRLS MORAL DOWN THROUGH DISCRIMINATION.
DISCRIMINATION AS THE WORD DENOTES IS A SOCIOLOGICAL TERM REFERING TO TREATMENT TAKEN TOWARDS OR AGAINST A PERSON OF CERTAIN GROUP THAT IS TAKEN IN CONSIDERAATION BASED ON CLASS OR CATEGORY
IT IS VERY USUAL IN A DAILY INDIAN WOMEN OR GIRLS LIFE.
SINCE BIRTH WE ARE TOLD THAT WE HAVE TO WORK OUR ASSES OFF. WELL MY QUESTION IS WHY NOT ASK THE BOYS? ARE THEY ANY DIFFERENT? BEING A WOMAN DON'T U FIND IT WRONG TO ASK YOUR OWN DAUGHTER TO DO WHAT U YOURSELF NEVER WANTED TO WHEN YOU WERE AT HER AGE?

EVERY DAY I AM GIVEN WORK WHICH I HAVE TO DO LIKE COOK, DO LAUNDRY, DUST OFF THE ROOMS......AND JUST WHEN I ASK WHY ONLY ME.....I AM TOLD SHUT UP AND NEVER ASK Y AND DO AS TOLD AS I HAVE TO LEARN A LOT!
EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY ADOLESCENT LIFE AS A GIRL I WAS TOLD TO WORK WHERE AS MY OWN ELDER BROTHER JUST SAT ON THE COMPUTER AND PLAYED GAMES ALL DAY AND NIGHT LONG.
HE IS ALLOWED TO GO OUTSIDE AT NIGHT TO ENJOY. HE CAN GO FOR TRIPS WHICH NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFETIME I WILL BE ALLOWED TO GO FOR.
Y DO WOMEN ALONE HAVE TO SUFFER? WHAT HAD WE EVER DONE TO GET RAPED, MOLESTED AND DISCRIMINATED?
HATING MEN COMES NATURALLY TO ME NOW, FOR THEY HAVE ONLY GIVEN ME PAIN AND SUFERING BUT NOW EVEN MY PARENTS ARE THE DISCRIMINATORS.
MAYBE I DON'T GET THEIR POINT OF VIEW BUT THEY SHOULD TRY AND TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.
MAYBE I WILL UNDERSTAND.
BUT IF THEY TELL ME I HAVE TO GET MARRIED ONE DAY AND DO ALL THE WORK THEN THAT IS BULL SHIT CAUSE THAT IS SUCH A DUMB THING TO SAY WHEN WE ARE LIVING IN A LOT BETTER TIMES THAN WE WERE BEFORE.
TIMES HAVE CHANGED AND SO SHOULD ARE PARENTS...
THEY WANT ME TO DO EVERY HOUSE WORK AS IF I AM SOME KIND OF A SERVANT BUT I AM NOT.
THE MORE THEY ASK ME TO DO WORK AND NOT MY BROTHER.... THE MORE I HATE THEEM LITERALLY WHICH IN ACTUAL TERMS I DON'T WANT!
I AM SORRY IF I AM WRONG BUT TRULY THIS IS WHAT I FEEL!!!!

Painting the town...Black and white!

Once i was coming back from college in my cab....on the way, the cab stopped for a friend of mine to get down. While he got down, i glanced on the side when i saw a foreigner of height almost 5'10 getting out of a convenience store, after he came out he looked in the groceries bag and suddenly turned when a small child of about 7 year old came out of the store running towards the foreigner. The child was properly dressed but the clothes were dirty and the child looked like a servant with dark skin. The child ran to the foreigner with a bottle of oil. For that moment i thought the child was working for the convenience store and the foreigner had forgotten the bottle and the child might have come to return it but i was wrong, the foreigner told the child to keep the bottle in the grocery bag and then he took the child by the hand and started walking away with him but suddenly the child and foreigner looked at each other and they pranced their way away like two children. I, being mesmerized by the sight, looked at them till the point i could and soon enough the car moved and i was on my way but i just couldn't stop thinking of that moment when a foreigner was having an innocent childish moment with the child. There are a lot of ways for people to enjoy their life, its just they don't realize them as small differences made between then, stops them. The difference in color, size and countries did not matter to the foreigner and the child then why should it matter to other people around the world. So many differences man has created for himself!! But at the end, every one is a human!! paint the town till the time you can!

Moments i dont cherish!!

He touched my body, i didn't like it,
what was happening, was just too frightening.
i wanted to run away and never come back,
but something made me stag and confront his nags.
he watched me go into the darkness,
which he didn't know was my freedom to brightness.
i cant tell anyone,as i was scared,
to confront my loved ones, for i wasn't cared.
they would pity me, which i didn't want,
for i am strong, and tell him "don't".
he changed my life, so i hated the people i passed,
but he didn't want me to leave him at last.
i was free to live the life, in my own way,
wasn't scared to die, as death would come one day.
as i bleed, i cried in pain,
but no one came, unless they gained.
he hurt me, that i almost died,
even the devil in me cried.
my thoughts are so evil, that people are scared,
that i might just kill you, for they know i dared!!

innocence....

One day while coming back home from college..i was in d auto and i saw a foreigner with two children- one boy and one girl of age almost 7.... i dont knw y but i had d urge to stick out my tongue to the boy who was on my side and i did....the boy was stunned for two minutes but to make it a game i struck out my tongue again.... the boy caught on wid d game and stuck out his tongue....and like i used to wen i was a child i started sticking out my tongue wen eva his car came parallel to my auto.... and so did he....
The boy had no relationship wid me and we might not even meet me in this life time but the tym we spent sticking tongue at each other was so much fun dat i really felt like a child for dat moment and forgot the world....the worries...the sorrows....everything!!! just me and the child being innocent and loving the moment.
The moment for the child was far more different as he was innocent and enjoyed every part of life widout worries which after u reach my age is difficult to ignore.
But for me it was a childish act of the day...
since i was a child and i got to know how fast i was growing up....
i wished to be peter pan and stay child so that NEVER in our life....i would have to go through the worries and enjoy every moment without any worries..... just play the whole day and be innocent forever!!!
but wat i think and wish can't be true....there is a fine line between fiction and reality which every person who fantasizes would want to break!!!

movi...!!!! my life........

i feel like a person acting in a movie....like im a character who is learning abt its life everyday but tends to get laughed at.
the movie is at a very small speed and the people watching are just laughing on the way i m taking my life towards the end.....
the end....somehow im not scared if the movie suddenly ends cuz im sick of the speed....
all the learning is of no need when everything has to end...
the moments....the feelings...the love....the passion....everything...!!!
if two people talk then noone will ever know what dey talked abt cuz dey die and dere is no proof nor dey r left to remind ppl of their living.
somehow i think im d only person on the planet and others r just people who i meet on the way which make my life a bit interesting...
i learn a lot of stuff in this life but keep little....
no adventure....boring life!!!!
i hate being the lonely part of the world which in another lifetime wont exist....
who knows if im just sitting and playing a part in a crystal ball and a person shakes it and my life goes upside down (well it must be shaking the ball a lot)...!!!
how can we live without reason.....
i think dere is always a reason why u come to this world....
every movie has a reason.... so i wud have a reason to come to this world and have something that belongs to me but wont stay with me!!!
the feelings i cant understand are something within me......even though dying to come out!!!! dey neva wud...!!!

Life's complication...

Life's complicated,
without any reason,
trying to understand it,
is just getting even.
we are just dolls,
hung up with strings,
the maker plays games,
just to make us sin.
it's got us a family,
that just screams out,
for not doing chores,
is what gives them doubt.
i hate socializing,
which no one understands,
as understanding me is something,
out of their hands.

You left!!!

You left me alone,
in the middle of the road,
where no one i could see on my side.
what i would have done,
without my true friends,
is something you cant deny.
As i was broken,
in small pieces and shaken,
no one could put me back again.
until it was on me,
to believe in what i see,
and kill the faith of love again.
i hate love more than ever,
which seems like forever,
which makes my heart confuse again.
as i told you i hate you,
but never meant to hurt you,
as i couldn't see you cry again.
when you said i love you,
i wish i understood you,
that you never liked anyone more than a he!!!