Today i had my worst nightmare ever...wait, it was far too painful, it was reality. i wasnt dreaming, it wasn't a nightmare, it actually happened. The reality struck me so much that it has crushed my virtues. if my parents only knew about this reality, they would be over protective. realities like such doesn't let one remain a girl, the innocence is shaken and torn into pieces.
To tell you about my reality, a monster came to me. he was a monster in human form and all he did was touched my body, but somehow it wasn't just my body, it was my soul which was destroyed in this process.
After the monster had scared me in every way he could, i was left alone but i couldn't understand what had happened with me just moments ago because the monster had asked me to make a promise and to keep a secret which i did.
As i grew i understood what the monster did was cruel, and inhuman. i wept alone, to scared to tell any one. i hated being the victim and hated every part of my body which i did not consider as mine anymore. i cried for my loved ones to save me from every touch and from every moment that i spent with the monster.
if i told anyone, they wouldn't even believe me because the monster became a stranger in front of others and acted like a saint who could never even sin. in front of others, he loved me and cared like i was his little child. the monster was just known by me, the cruel molester and the killer of a child's innocent soul..
because of him i lost my faith in myself and every person around me. some incidents can change life's perspective, well it did change mine.
it is said, whatever happens, happens for a reason. i see none from any side. i tried my best to see all sides but none could show me the good reason for such happening.
this incident made me at least understand people inside out, about their nature and how filthy some can be. my intuitions have made me strong and i can find the right and wrong for myself easily.
my parents screamed at me and shouted for i am ill mannered as i was growing up. thy scolded me that i didn't talk to the monster a.k.a. saint in front of them, with proper manners while he came to met us. but what should i reply for my ill mannered behavior that the reason is because he molests me? i don't want my parents to go through the mental torture. telling them i have encountered the worst incident of my life would break them.
so much so, i have become numb of their scoldings. i suffered so much pain that i don't even mind hurting someone Else's feeling. i am not being a sadist but i can't cry, not much tears are left. later on, after i loose someone dear to me, i curse and shed out a few tears for their farewell but at the end, they are just wiped out and i just think that tears always come and make myself stronger in the wrong sense.
i fought with him, blackmailed him of telling everyone which actually scared him, opposite of what i had thought. sharing my secret with my loved ones did hurt them but it made me stand against the wrong.
respecting a monster who murdered my soul was next to impossible but with time i learned to forgive him if he stayed away. i did forgive him for my self satisfaction that i don't need a grudge to carry on with my life by hating him for his deeds. i was sick of the crying, moaning and feeling pain.
Forgiving has made my will power stronger and has made me stronger.
